Saying Goodbye: Strategies for discussing death and grief with young children.

Spring comes every year as a time to remind us of the space between life and death. In our gardens and outside, we kick through the dead leaves of last fall to reveal the new growth and life. Both of these are welcome and normal, but sometimes talking about death and the grief that follows with children can feel difficult and daunting. In this post, I am here to offer advice and strategies for approaching the concept of death with children. I will also talk about why children may play out scenarios of death and dying, and why that is okay. Death is both the most familiar and unfamiliar part of our lives, it is as normal as eating, breathing, or sleeping. It’s something that all bodies know how to do and will do someday.

“Grief expressed out loud for someone we have lost, or a country or home we have lost, is in itself the greatest praise we could ever give them. Grief is praise, because it is the natural way love honors what it misses.” ― Martin Prechtel

Children This Age Understand Death Differently

Preschoolers live in a world where fantasy and reality often mix. Death, to them, can seem temporary or reversible—like in cartoons or
games. They may ask questions repeatedly, or seem unaffected one moment and tearful the next. All of this is completely normal.
When a pet dies, children are often experiencing one of their first real losses. It helps to use clear, simple language. For example:
“__ died. That means their body stopped working, and they won’t be coming back.”

Avoid phrases like “went to sleep” or “passed away, ” which can be confusing or frightening for young minds still learning how the world
works.

Answer Their Questions Honestly

Children may ask:

“Why did __ die?”

“Where did they go?”

“Will I die? Will you die?”

It’s okay to say:

“All living things die someday. It’s part of life.”

“Yes, all people die, but most of the time people live for a very long time.”

There is no need to have all the answers. What matters most is that your child feels safe, heard, and allowed to wonder.

Why Is My Child Playing Death?

After learning about a death, you may notice your child acting out themes of death or dying during play—perhaps pretending that stuffed animals die, get buried, or come back to life. This is healthy and normal. Play is how children process complex
feelings and try on ideas that they’re still trying to understand. When they “play death,” they’re not being morbid or disrespectful—they’re making sense of something big using the language they know best: imagination.

As adults, we can support this by being present, curious, and calm.

You might say: “I see your bear died in your story. What happened next?” Or even, “It’s okay to play about _. We all miss them.”

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Children This Age Understand Death Differently

Answer Their Questions Honestly

Why Is My Child Playing Death?

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